Who Doesn’t Wear Biz Caz?

Many people believe that the issue of biz caz is simply too general to be the subject of one Web site.  Writing about wearing biz caz is like writing about breathing.  Everyone does it.

Believe it or not, not everyone wears biz caz.  This may be hard for many to accept.  It certainly was for us for a long time.  Everywhere we went the only people we saw were dressed in biz caz.  All of our coworkers and all the other professionals near our downtown offices were in biz caz.  Same with all the other drinkers we saw at happy hours at our favorite after-work bars like Houlihans, Slappy O’Leary’s and the Bull and Bear.  Even the employees of restaurants and retail stores like Starbucks and Best Buy were biz caz clad.

It’s easy for people to grow up believing that everyone wears biz caz.  Well, not everyone does.  We hate to be the ones to break it to you but that’s what we do, we speak the hard truth about biz caz.

Therefore, we are going to begin profiling people who do not wear biz caz as a way of expanding our readers’ horizons.

First up, Rick Rubin.

 Rick Rubin, an influential music producer who cofounded Def Jam Records, does not wear biz caz.

However, his friend Jay-Z does wear biz caz.  Intersestingly, when Jay-Z wears biz caz no one calls it biz caz.  This is due to the fact that instead of looking like Sean Carter, a mid manager for the past 10 years at Inintech, he is still that Jay-Hova while wearing khaki pants and a striped shirt.  How many of your cubicle-mates can you say that about?

 

List of Biz Caz Items for Those Who Hate Themselves

The Biz Caz Blues has compiled a list of clothing items and accessories to be worn by those office workers who suffer from self-loathing and are looking for a way to punish themselves. 

In our surveys, we have found many instances of this among the newly-minted office workers–those in their early to mid-20s.  More than one would expect. 

This self-loathing is usually caused by some sort of guilt, often over how much the person partied while in college to the detriment of the person’s grades subsequently limiting the person’s job prospects to the one the person has or the person still has not forgiven him or herself for that bi-curious phase during sophomore year.

Our research has shown that wearing the following six items inflicts a sufficient amount of punishment to satisfy those who hate themselves.  Please note that this list only applies to men.  We will be posting a list for women who hate themselves later. 

Please send in any other items you think should be added.

1. The braided belt.  This is self explanatory.

2.  Cotton pants any shades lighter than khaki.  There is an exception for people 75 years and older.

3.  Pleated pants.  Spencer Pratt wears them.  Enough said.

4. The mid-manager’s tool belt.  This should consist of clipping your blackberry, cell phone, pager (even though you’re not a doctor), and office building security badge to your braided belt.

5.  Blue Denim Shirt.  Unless you’re carrying a gun with a scope.  Then you can pretty much wear anything you want.

6. Futuristic Sunglasses.  The kind that make you look like you’re going to go play beach volleyball when, in reality, you’re just going to sit on your ever-expanding ass in a cubicle staring at a computer for approximately 7.5 hours.

 

The Death of the American Necktie

 Another battle in the never-ending office dress code wars ended decisively this week when the Men’s Dress Furnishings Association (MDFA), the American tie makers trade group, announced that it would be shutting down its operations.

The MDFA publicly blamed its dwindling membership as the reason behind the group’s decision to dissolve.  The group’s current membership of 25 companies is down from 120 in the 1980s. 

Behind the scenes, however, members of the MDFA and others in the workplace fashion industry were acknowledging that MDFA’s closure was a direct result of the Smart and Casual Officewear Federation’s (SACOF) relentless attacks on both the formal wear industry and its culture.

One MDFA insider, who asked to remain anonymous, said, “Truth is, SACOF beat us a long time ago.  Some of us think we should have disbanded years ago when it first became clear that SACOF had made business casual the dominant office wear.”

Others used more forceful language when talking about SACOF, proving that bad blood remains between the two groups long after the bloody officewear wars of the 1980s and 1990s.  Many, speaking off record, accused SACOF of continuing to play hardball in the years following the Truce of 2002, using tactics such as shakedowns of makers of formal wear. 

Representatives of SACOF did not respond to any calls for comment.  SACOF’s press department issued the following brief statement: “The members of the Smart and Casual Officewear Federation wish the best for all of the members of the Men’s Dress Furnishings Association in their future endeavors.  SACOF, as an organization, had nothing but respect for MDFA in the years the two groups competed against one another.”

It looks like SACOF will have no more competition going forward.

One Man’s Diagnosis of Biz Caz Blues, Part 3: Banana Republic in the Rain

The day of my diagnosis I wore a wrinkle resistant Club Room dress shirt that was pale blue with white checks.  The horizontal white lines were slightly bolder than their vertical brethren.  I thought it was an illusion at first but it’s not. 

My pants were black with white pin stripes that were so faint they were barely noticeable.  I was violating a cardinal Biz Caz rule by wearing checks with stripes.  However, I hoped the stripes in my pants were so faint that I could get through  the day undetected.  I hadn’t even noticed them until I put them on in my office. 

I had bought the pants at a Banana Republic one weekday morning after I was caught in a torrential rainstorm that drenched my Banana Republic chinos.  Not wanting to spend the day in wet clothes I made the trip to the Banana Republic that is conveniently and appropriately located at the center of all the downtown office buildings.  The store was crowded for 10:15 a.m.  It was filled with other water-logged office workers.

BREAKING: Biz Caz Chaos Gridlocks Massachusetts Government

The extreme biz caz attire of a number of Massachussetts state government employees has thrown the capitol building into chaos. First reported by the Eagle Tribune, the state employees have pushed Beacon Hill’s biz caz dress code to the limits.

House Speaker Salvatore DiMasi has called for a strict dress code policy that requires men to wear top hats and jackets with tails while women are required to wear full-body burkas, with the option of wearing jeans underneath on Jeans Friday.

Some of the clothing items reportedly worn by employees include spandex shorts, Celtics jerseys and women have worn “skimpy summer fashions”, which, we imagine, means clear heals and pasties.

Some Republican sources confirm to the Biz Caz Blues that they have reached out to Washington in hopes that the Bush Administration will impose martial law, or at least make the state government subject to federal oversight.

A survey of state government workers eating lunch outside of the State House showed the divisiveness of the issue. One man, Johannesburg, who weighs approximately 325 pounds and asked that only his first name be used, said, “I wear spandex shorts and Celtics jerseys every Saturday and Sunday.  But in the work place, that’s just not right.” 

An opposing view was given by the man eating lunch with Johannesburg, who asked to remain anonymous, and incidentally, was wearing spandex shorts and a Celtics jersey who said, “The Celts are in the freakin’ finals fuh crissake.  Against the Lakers.  And you’re gonna sit there and tell me I can’t wear my jersey.  Well, you’ve got another thing coming.”

We will continue to update this story as it develops. Below are some recent photographs of government employees in and around the State House.

State employees about to enter a meeting.

State employees on their lunch break.

Government workers outside the State House.

Fabulous Jeans Friday Poll

Happy Jeans Friday

Happy Jeans Friday from all of us at the Biz Caz Blues.  Jeans Friday, of course, is a big day around here.  It really is an amazing concept because you still go to work but it doesn’t feel like work at all because you’re wearing denim pants!  It’s like magic.  Have a wonderful day at work, still working, but not feeling like you’re working.