The only thing better in the whole wide world than Jeans Friday is Jeans Thursday. That, of course, is when Jeans Friday falls on a holiday like tomorrow’s Fourth of July. The unspoken understanding between cubicle workers and their bosses is that the workers will get a day to wear jeans every week, come Hell or high water.
This Jeans Thursday is also an opportunity for all of us to reflect on all the Founding Fathers did to build a nation where people can be free to wear Dockers and open-necked shirts to the office, even on a Monday.
We here at the Biz Caz Blues are taken aback at how many people do not realize that the original draft of the Declaration of Independence mentioned business casual. It originally read: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, cotton pants with no ties at the workplace and jeans on Friday.”
Thomas Jefferson, the sissy, ended up cutting those words because he thought it would be “rubbing it in” to the Brits, who were still at that time wearing double-breasted suits to work.
We here at the Biz Caz Blues have gotten our hands on the Douchiest Phone Message in History, which we have included below for your edification and listening pleasure.
At the request of thousands of our readers, we used our extensive knowledge of biz caz to determine if, in fact, as our readers are so convinced, the caller was wearing biz caz while leaving the message. We submitted it to our lab here at the Biz Caz Blues and our crack team of researchers analyzed the message. This is their findings:
As you can see, our researchers determined from the forensic evidence that there was an 89.7% chance the caller was wearing biz caz, a 5.3% chance he was wearing a three piece suit, and a 5% chance he was wearing a sweater vest.
So, it appears, that our readers who said that there was a 100% chance the caller was wearing biz caz were not entirely correct, but they were close.
Dockers has issued the advertisement seen below. The ad shows a man confidently wearing his Dockers biz caz while sitting on a couch that is presumably in the employees’ lounge of the man’s office. A female coworker, also dressed in Dockers biz caz, is apparently unable to resist the man’s wrinkle-resistant attire and jumps on top of him. Sure, they may get escorted to the street by security for this workplace hanky panky but she can’t be to blame. The man is wearing Dockers.
We here at the Biz Caz Blues are showing this advertisement to you, the reading public, to warn you that wearing biz caz may not cause most people to become absolutely irresistible to the opposite sex. Actually, it’s highly unlikely to happen to anyone. You have been warned.
We here at the Biz Caz Blues don’t believe in the paranormal. At least, we didn’t until last week. Last week, we posted a helpful list of biz caz clothing items to be worn for people who hate themselves. At the end, we asked readers to let us know if we missed anything.
Well, one astute reader, with the exotic first name of dkzody (what were her parents thinking?!) eloquently commented, “Shoes, you missed shoes….”
She was right, of course. But just then we received an email about a sale on Dockers shoes at the local department store. The email showed a picture of a type of Dockers shoes (see below) that can only be described as nothing less than soul crushing.
They are the ultimate shoes for those who hate themselves. First, wearing anything by Dockers shows that you hate yourself. Second, the braided belt look is incorporated in these shoes. And third, wearing them will make you lose your sex drive while simulatenously preventing anyone from wanting to have sex with you.
Receiving the comment from dkzody and this email about the Dockers shoes at the same moment made it seem that the biz caz God, Lumbergh (pictured below), was trying to contact us from the great cubicle in the sky. Spooky.
Another battle in the never-ending office dress code wars ended decisively this week when the Men’s Dress Furnishings Association (MDFA), the American tie makers trade group, announced that it would be shutting down its operations.
The MDFA publicly blamed its dwindling membership as the reason behind the group’s decision to dissolve. The group’s current membership of 25 companies is down from 120 in the 1980s.
Behind the scenes, however, members of the MDFA and others in the workplace fashion industry were acknowledging that MDFA’s closure was a direct result of the Smart and Casual Officewear Federation’s (SACOF) relentless attacks on both the formal wear industry and its culture.
One MDFA insider, who asked to remain anonymous, said, “Truth is, SACOF beat us a long time ago. Some of us think we should have disbanded years ago when it first became clear that SACOF had made business casual the dominant office wear.”
Others used more forceful language when talking about SACOF, proving that bad blood remains between the two groups long after the bloody officewear wars of the 1980s and 1990s. Many, speaking off record, accused SACOF of continuing to play hardball in the years following the Truce of 2002, using tactics such as shakedowns of makers of formal wear.
Representatives of SACOF did not respond to any calls for comment. SACOF’s press department issued the following brief statement: “The members of the Smart and Casual Officewear Federation wish the best for all of the members of the Men’s Dress Furnishings Association in their future endeavors. SACOF, as an organization, had nothing but respect for MDFA in the years the two groups competed against one another.”
It looks like SACOF will have no more competition going forward.
The extreme biz caz attire of a number of Massachussetts state government employees has thrown the capitol building into chaos. First reported by the Eagle Tribune, the state employees have pushed Beacon Hill’s biz caz dress code to the limits.
House Speaker Salvatore DiMasi has called for a strict dress code policy that requires men to wear top hats and jackets with tails while women are required to wear full-body burkas, with the option of wearing jeans underneath on Jeans Friday.
Some of the clothing items reportedly worn by employees include spandex shorts, Celtics jerseys and women have worn “skimpy summer fashions”, which, we imagine, means clear heals and pasties.
Some Republican sources confirm to the Biz Caz Blues that they have reached out to Washington in hopes that the Bush Administration will impose martial law, or at least make the state government subject to federal oversight.
A survey of state government workers eating lunch outside of the State House showed the divisiveness of the issue. One man, Johannesburg, who weighs approximately 325 pounds and asked that only his first name be used, said, “I wear spandex shorts and Celtics jerseys every Saturday and Sunday. But in the work place, that’s just not right.”
An opposing view was given by the man eating lunch with Johannesburg, who asked to remain anonymous, and incidentally, was wearing spandex shorts and a Celtics jersey who said, “The Celts are in the freakin’ finals fuh crissake. Against the Lakers. And you’re gonna sit there and tell me I can’t wear my jersey. Well, you’ve got another thing coming.”
We will continue to update this story as it develops. Below are some recent photographs of government employees in and around the State House.
Happy Jeans Friday from all of us at the Biz Caz Blues. Jeans Friday, of course, is a big day around here. It really is an amazing concept because you still go to work but it doesn’t feel like work at all because you’re wearing denim pants! It’s like magic. Have a wonderful day at work, still working, but not feeling like you’re working.
We here at The Biz Caz Blues have been inundated with emails from confused and sometimes angry readers who visited our site thinking it is a site about music. These readers assumed that Biz Caz Blues is a musical genre like the “Mississippi Blues.”
We’d like to take this moment to clarify that this site is not about music. It is devoted to studying and, hopefully, remedying the epidemic of depression that comes from wearing business casual that is sweeping the country and moving into other parts of the world. We apologize for any confusion.
However, these emails did make us think that Biz Caz Blues could also be a musical genre. We beleive that music may possibly be a powerful and effective method of spreading our important message.
This got us thinking about what the Biz Caz Blues, the music, would sound like. After extensive research, we unanimously selected John Mayer as the official sound of the Biz Caz Blues. This video of his song, “Your Body is a Wonderland,” captures perfectly the essence of Biz Caz Blues, the affliction.
Though it is about a woman’s sexy body and Mr. Mayer’s attraction to said body, the song makes us tired, fatigued, sexless and generally not very excited about life. These are all symptoms of the Biz Caz Blues. The vast majority of male Biz Caz office workers can relate to this song. They frequently find themselves spotting a beautiful woman on the street while on their way to pick up lunch from Subway and instead of feeling attraction and excitement from the sight of such a beautiful woman, they feel nostalgia for the time when they would have felt such attraction and excitement (circa, right before they began wearing biz caz). We believe that it is this feeling that Mr. Mayer is trying to convey.
Mr. Mayer is also an obvious choice as the official sound of Biz Caz Blues because of his current relationship with Jennifer Aniston. Ms. Aniston, of course, starred in Friends, the first-ever television series produced by the Smart and Casual Officewear Federation (SACOF). SACOF created Friends as a way to promote its agenda of having a biz caz dress code in every office in every country. Friends was just one piece of SACOF’s sophisticated propaganda machine
So, Mr. Mayer, sing the blues. Sing the Biz Caz Blues.
While there are certainly a host of ills associated with biz caz, the relaxed dress code does have some redeeming features. For example, study after study has demonstrated that workplaces that have implemented a biz caz policy have an exceedingly smaller number of violent incidents than those that have not implemented such a policy.
The biz caz trade association, the Smart and Casual Officewear Federation (SACOF), uses these studies as a way to promote its agenda of having a biz caz dress code in every office in every country. Although the biz caz movement clearly emerged victorious from the bloody officewear wars of the 1980s and 90s, SACOF is not a group to rest on its laurels. It knows that part of what won the war–in addition to biz caz muscle–was propaganda. And propaganda is what will keep biz caz in power.
An example of such propaganda is SACOF’s recently released commercial showing the violence that is all too common in a non-biz caz office. The commercial is titled, “Office Worker Goes Absolutely Insane.” The commercial is hard hitting and its message is clear: If this man had been allowed to wear Dockers instead of a suit, his coworkers would be in a lot less pain now, especially the lady who caught a computer monitor with her face.
The only thing better in the whole wide world than Jeans Friday is Jeans Thursday. That, of course, is when Jeans Friday falls on a holiday like tomorrow’s Fourth of July. The unspoken understanding between cubicle workers and their bosses is that the workers will get a day to wear jeans every week, come Hell or high water.
dissolve. The group’s current membership of 25 companies is down from 120 in the 1980s. 
Mr. Mayer is also an obvious choice as the official sound of Biz Caz Blues because of his current relationship with Jennifer Aniston. Ms. Aniston, of course, starred in Friends, the first-ever television series produced by the Smart and Casual Officewear Federation (SACOF). SACOF created Friends as a way to promote its agenda of having a biz caz dress code in every office in every country. Friends was just one piece of SACOF’s sophisticated propaganda machine